best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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