stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
