dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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