does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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