When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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