Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
