So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
