The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
