and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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