im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
