so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
