bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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