He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
True strength comes from lack of pants
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
