He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
