Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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