awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
