Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
