how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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