garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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