Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
