she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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