she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize