I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
