I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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