dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
