Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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