I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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