it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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