I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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