I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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