we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
