My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
