I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
