I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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