I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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