Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
