Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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