mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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