i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
