She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The cops high fived after they tackled you
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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