The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
