oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
