I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
