I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
