Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
