The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If I die, sorry about rent.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
