Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
