You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
