thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
