You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
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she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
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Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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