Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
