I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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