i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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