He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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