....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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