problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
