She's JV to your varsity
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
