Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We have so much sex to catch up on
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
