I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
