god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
