I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
