i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
