Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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