just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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