I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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