I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
