Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
