Just fell off a train. Bad.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
