garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
