Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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