I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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