i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
