Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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