Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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