If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she smelled like a LAN party
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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